Quietantia
by Kimchi Poutine
Summary: One-sided Rena Chung: He fought, he protected, but the one close to his side, he could not have.


**_Quietantia_ : an acquittance; abandonment; immunity.  
** **Writing Prompt: "Search"**

* * *

All he had wanted was to save Hamel. Hamel's White Colossus, the one hero who could ensure that, had disappeared. The demons persisted. He needed a way to end this.

When the team first met Chung on the outskirts of Resiam, Rena couldn't help but think how brave the little human boy was. How could she not be endeared? He was adorable.

Yet in battle, he was a tank. Wielding his weapon that was bigger than him and twice as heavy, he was remarkable in combat and covered more fire than Elsword would've imagined.

"For the present, you can call me Chung. Please, let me join your team so that Hamel can be saved and the Water El restored." His bearings and demeanour were sophisticated that even Raven was impressed.

After the battle and the boy's official acceptance into the team was when introductions were formally induced. Elsword was energetic, Aisha cautiously friendly, Raven curt, and Eve mechanically polite. Ara had tripped onto a puddle before she even finished.

"I am Rena." Her voice was soothing as she helped up Ara. "Please, allow me to treat your wounds. That cut looks serious."

"Thank you, Lady." Chung was taught early on to be especially courteous to women. "But it is all right, I can look after myself."

It took a while for the White Wolf of Hamel to open up to his new comrades. But he soon came to realize that his newfound companions were bound not by order and duty alone. They were friends.

They were willing to be his friends, too. They accepted him.

Still, it took time for Chung to not look like a lost sheep whenever Elsword and Aisha engaged in their petty squabbles. It was weeks before he stopped panicking when Ara hurt herself (or other people) with her clumsy tendencies, or when Eve slapped Elsword for his "barbaric manners".

"Don't mind them." Rena assured him with a laugh. "They've been like that since they met."

"Does Eve not like him?"

"Not at all. If Eve truly hated Elsword then she would have nothing to do with her. Paying attention, getting irked—that's how she cares."

"As much as a Nasod can," muttered Raven under his breath.

"What does that mean, sir?"

Raven made a small choking sound. "…you don't have to call me that." He eyed the Nasod with a distrustful look before walking away.

"Does sir—Raven not like Eve?" He turned to the elf.

"That's a story that belongs only to him." She smiled indulgently as she ruffled his hair. "Ask him, and he may tell you."

* * *

Chung's mother died too early. He only had dim memories of childhood caresses and he used to look at her portrait, wondering if her very few memories of her were real or fabricated to instill some sort of understanding. Helputt did his best—but Chung often wondered what a mother would be like, and seeing other children with their mothers stirred a yearning he did not fully comprehend.

"Yah, Chung!"

"Elsword." Clasping on the last of his armour, he nodded with a smile. "What's up?"

"Just wanted to make sure you were okay. We're pushing the demonic invasion back on Hamel; don't want you bent out of shape."

Then in a low whisper, "I also put a worm in Aisha's bag. She should be opening it soon."

Chung sighed. " _Another_ prank war?"

"Hey, she burnt my meat yesterday! It's not like a worm's going to hurt her. Don't tell her, all right?"

"But…"

Elsword looked into his eyes, grinning. "You're not going to tell her."

He sighed again. "Tell her what? I didn't hear anything."

Elsword laughed, clapping him on the back. "Now you're getting it." He scurried away.

* * *

"So that's why Aisha was upset." Rena shook her head, a twinkle in her eyes. "And you didn't tell her?"

"Not that it mattered," Chung sighed, rubbing his head, "Eve told her and she went after both of us. She burned my hair!"

"Let me see." Fingers sifted through his head, leaving a light tingling sensation. "It's only singed at the edges. You'll be fine. I'm sure Elsword wasn't as lucky."

"Oh, no." Chung chuckled. "You should have seen him afterwards. Aisha didn't seem to hold back anything."

This made Rena smile. "Even though we grow, some things never change."

"Yes, they're…I'm happy to have joined. They are…friends."

"Friends, brothers-at-arms, companions, we're a team." Rena agreed. "Elsword is happier with having you here; you two are like brothers. I daresay Ara is happier, too." Here she smiled.

Elsword and Chung shared many characteristics, one having the emotional awareness of a lump of coal.

"What about you, Rena?" He asked instead.

"Me?" Surprise; then a warm laugh. "You have become dear to me, too. I still remember how you refused to let me heal you."

"Ha ha…but you ended up healing my anyway."

"Well, now you don't refuse. There are many difficult battles fought and more to come, but a lesson equally difficult is accepting that you're vulnerable and need help from others." This made Chung smile. "You learned that quicker than Elsword."

"Elsword always has to learn things the hard way." Chung pointed out.

"Ha! You may be right. Now, let's head back and you're going to apologize to Aisha, right?"

* * *

He screamed. They were so close! The vile demon had lain there, wounded and vulnerable, and it could have been ended!

He knew Ara was the sister of the demon—back when he was once human, if that were possible. But he had assumed that by joining the team to restore the El and bring peace back to Elrios, she was ready to fight against evil no matter what. For as childlike as she was, she had an unwavering sense of justice and morality, something he agreed with.

But she _defended_ the vile creature that caused the deaths and suffering of many, Ran who committed genocide and abducted the priestess, all this senseless slaughter for what?

It wasn't like Ran was even grateful for her help in getting away, swatting her aside like a fly.

Chung was raised to be respectful to women. But as the shock wore off, rage surged in. He was committed to protecting Hamel that was falling apart. Thousands of lives depended on him. Yet Ara was selfish enough to risk all that, just for a brother who was long gone and replaced by a demon.

Ara wouldn't meet his eyes; she was close to tears. Why was _she_ the one crying?

No one chastised the two. Others flocked to Ara to support the broken girl, which did little to help his own fractured mind. He got away. _He got away._

Back in his room, pages of thoughts flipped through his mind. He could leave and continue his quest alone, without any hindrance. It would be too much to expect that Ara would leave. He hated her. He wanted to hate her. He hated himself. He pitied himself. He pitied her. What was everyone else thinking? Did they pity him?

His rage ebbed away, though not entirely. He stared into the dark void on his lightless room.

"Can I come in?"

He didn't want her to see him like this, not yet. But just as terrifying, was to be left alone. As he debated this, the door opened.

There were no words of condemnation or shallow placating. "May I stay?"

She sat on the edge of his bed, gesturing that he do the same.

The beings of Elrios, she mused, were uneasy when it came to expressing certain emotions. Why could they not say what they wanted? Why skirt around emotions when they could be expressed?

"…You lived longer than me. You know more than I ever will. Are you going to tell me that I messed up?"

"…no."

"Are you going to make me apologize?" A bitter taste rose in his mouth, his voice turning acrid. "Tell me that time fixes everything? That you've been through this before?"

She let him talk, her hand gently but firmly on his shoulder.

When silence fell again, she spoke in a low voice.

"Better that you take it out on me than her."

His anger, now diluted by a murky splash of shame, erased any other words he might've said.

"Chung," she said after another pause, "your anger and grief are unique to you. How can I truly understand that I would attempt to minimize what you're feeling?"

"…"

Rena turned and drew him to her, a tender embrace akin to a mother consoling her child. "It's okay to be lost, to not have the answers right now." She patted his head softly.

There was no awkwardness. With an exhale, Chung allowed himself to be held, wondering when the last time was he had been hugged, and felt a dim ache for lost days.

* * *

He made peace with Ara, though their relationship had shifted. Whatever else had been budding in their comradery was struck down and he paid no further heed to her regretful—sometimes reproachful—glances.

Those who noticed were considerate to pretend otherwise, but…

"Chung, do you still hate Ara?" Aisha hissed to him when she found a moment alone with the Chaser.

Hate? "No, I don't. Why?"

"Just…well, do you like her?"

He gave a very confused look. "Aisha, it's okay. Ara and I are past that now. She's helpful in battle and a good companion."

"But you don't like her."

"She's a good—"

"Never mind. You're as thick as Elsword."

Chung scratched his head and shrugged. Ara _was_ a good companion; because he was human and humans were flawed, there were still traces of doubt and resentment that lingered when his thoughts were unbound.

He was still on the best of terms with Elsword and Raven. Aisha was like a sister—sometimes older, but mostly younger—sister. Eve had helped him modify his weaponry and added extra gadgets, which he appreciated.

Rena was…peerless. Elsword was the leader, but Rena was the glue that held everyone together. She separated Elsword and Aisha when they became grouchy. She and Raven talked and smiled together in the manner of the elders who had to manage the children. She showered affection on Eve that was tolerated—because if Elsword tried to hug her he'd be shanked.

She was a friend, a guide, a sister, a mother. She was all of this to Chung, and…that was all, right? That was enough, wasn't it? There wasn't more. If there was more, he would have a word for it. But what was the word he was searching for?

* * *

Raven took two bottles of Kool El-Aid and sat beside Rena, handing one to her. Whatever they were talking about both seemed interested in each other as much as the conversation, if not more. Raven smiled a lot more now.

Chung seldom fished for gossip, but in the small group, words got around. Raven was once part of the Velder nobility. He had…a fiancée. Had. Human, but Rena resembled her.

Did he see a replacement within the elf? Was Rena a stand-in for his pining? Could Raven be that selfish and cruel to her?

Rena was laughing, her ears slightly pink. She didn't seem to mind at all that Raven's human hand and hers were overlapping.

The continued talking as the others joined them before the campfire. Raven discreetly removed his hand, though they still touched. The topic shifted to include the present companions, increasing in volume.

"Chung, what are you doing standing so far away? Come join." She beckoned.

"Yeah, Chung! I didn't even see you there! Come, come!"

Yes, he belonged here. As they made room for him in the circle, Rena beaming across from him, he pushed his thoughts away and laughed along with Elsword. Kool El-Aid was tossed to him, which he caught with ease. He drank it down, pretending it didn't have a bitter aftertaste.

But the thing about pretending was that when he was alone, he was only fooling himself.

* * *

"Where's Raven? I need to ask him something."

"He's patrolling with Rena, he'll be back."

"Huh. They've been spending a lot of time together…"

"Aww, did Rena take your darling Raven away from you?"

"Shut up, Aisha!"

"Have some tact and give them some space, Meathead."

* * *

"Hey, Rena."

"Hm?" She brushed her hair, though Chung didn't see why. Her hair always looked silky smooth.

"I…just wanted to see if you needed help."

"Oh! I'm all right." Putting on her winged hair clips, she turned around in a smile. "You needn't worry about me so, that's my job."

Chung smiled in return as she approached.

"Goodness, you've grown taller than me…now I have to reach for your head." She giggled as she gave him the customary tousling of his head he'd grown to appreciate. "I still remember when you were the cute little boy…"

"…who refused to let you heal me?" Chung finished, savouring her resulting sheepish chuckle.

"How time flies." Yet Rena was timeless in her beauty. "We all change, and grow. But the friendship and memories will endure."

"You too?"

"Of course." She never lacked for sincerity. "I will always be there for you, and everyone else."

* * *

He really fucked up this time. With only his shadows for company, he considered shooting himself if that could erase his memory of the past few days leading up to what had transpired hours ago.

 _The bandage wrapped around her right ear had specks of red forming. No one made it out unscathed._

His father, who led the demon armies to devastate the kingdom he once swore to protect, was dead. He had bravely sacrificed himself for them, and for him.

" _Personally, I think it's pointless to fill these moments with words." She had said as she brought a steaming cup of Spirit Tea._

Ran manipulated Helputt into committing everything he stood against. The Priestess of the Water El, Lady Sasha, was haunted from the ordeal she endured while under interrogation. This renewed his hate for the demon and also resentment for Ara; though he knew she was not to blame.

The people remembered Helputt was the corrupted traitor who turned against them in idiocy. They were grateful to Chung, but that only exalted him as the hero who vanquished his devil father.

" _The truth is all we have. Even buried over lies, the truth remains. It is the minds of sheep that change."_

" _That doesn't change that…what he did."_

" _He was a man who loved his son too much to let him suffer. To his last breath, he wanted to protect you."_

She was always a comforting presence to him, a constant breath of hope. She didn't nose her way into the trust of others because she earned it with compassion.

" _Whatever you need, all of us are here for you." Her arm was over his shoulders. "Okay?"_

If Chung could reverse time, he would have. Alas, he was not Glaive. But he was mired in wild sorrow, a loss he couldn't mourn. So many feeling he had repressed that he barely knew who they were for or what they were. And despite his victories and strength, he was infallibly a fallible human.

But like the impetuous fool, he had reached out and grabbed what he wanted without thought. She was softer than he had imagined. He felt a slight swelling in his chest. She had tasted like—

 _Hands on him, gently but firmly pushing him away; the elf could not even look at him. When she finally looked up, her expression was filled with a different sorrow and an emotion that hurt even more:_ pity _._

Her voice was always kind, but her words may as well have shot him to the ground.

" _I'm sorry. I cannot accept you in this."_

Why? Why wasn't it enough? Why wasn't _he_ enough? Why was he such an idiot? He wanted to hit something. Now he was acting like Elsword.

Untouched, the Spirit Tea went cold.

* * *

Elsword was not secretive. Chung could tell right off the bat that Rena told no one. Almost.

She was still the maternal protector whom Aisha, Ara, and Eve went to for counsel in combat and…romance. She was the friend who honed Elsword's ability in dealing with ranged attacks and shrug off fireballs as if they were nothing. She was Raven's equal; others jokingly called them 'mommy' and 'daddy'.

Rena treated Chung with equal benevolence, but Chung saw the finer details. She gave him space. She no longer went out her way to look after him. No more was his hair affectionately messed by her hand.

And she spent more time with Raven.

Which one hurt more?

* * *

More companions came to be; some by choice, others drawn by circumstance, always cloaked in an enigma. Chung felt uncomfortable at times; Add was nothing short of a lunatic, Rose did not seem as if she did belong in this world, and Lu—how strange that he'd be fighting alongside a demon, of all things!

Still, as the pendulum swung, change continued. The group, in between fighting and constant skirmishes with death, found solace within another, sometimes more than friendship. Companions became lovers. Rivals learned to trust. They were a family, though Lu would never admit it and occasionally demand that "the peasants" bow before her.

Chung glanced towards Rena, just in time to see Raven steal a quick kiss from her while everyone else was turned away.

They were extremely discreet in their affections, but Chung somehow always saw, cloaked in the shadows as a Deadly Chaser. Beneath their gloves, both wore a silver ring. They always looked out for each other in battle, working as one of the best tag-teams and pairs. Whatever else they did…Chung looked away.

He had sought to restore Hamel. With his friends, he did. His father was laid to rest, purified. Hamel's beloved priestess was saved. He found a family in Elsword and all their companions. Why did his selfish soul scream that it wasn't enough?

Why was it that, what more he searched for, was from a beautiful elf who had already given to another?

It hurt.


End file.
